Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
