About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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