So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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