i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Randomize