With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
