i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
