Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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