Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize