Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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