Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
