so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
