you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
