Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
