Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
