So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
