Kiss
Puke
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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