I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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