I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
