You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
