Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
