i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
