He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
