He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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