Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize
