i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
