Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
