I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize