The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
