Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
