So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
