then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
