And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
