I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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