Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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