so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
