Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
