PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
