the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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