I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize