he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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