Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
How naked do you want me to be?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
