morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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