I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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