Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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