I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
