tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
