Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
