As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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