conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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