i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize