Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
It's just like the Real World with babies
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
