You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Randomize
