She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
