sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
