I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
