i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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