Pants 0. Shit 1.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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