I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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