I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
