The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize