You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
