Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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