wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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