Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
time to smoke my breakfast
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
